Last week I read an article about a girl who was suing her parents.  She apparently (according to her parents) didn’t want to follow the rules or contribute to family life around the house and she had left home.  However, she still felt “entitled” to a private education and college funding from her parents.

Really?  She didn’t want to be part of the family or make contributions to that family but she wants the family to foot the bill for HER life? The latest report is that she has returned home after a judge struck down her first lawsuit.  This is sad but maybe it’s time to admit that there is something we, as parents, can do to deal with the entitlement mentality that is rampant in our society.

Let me explain.  My husband and I recently went on a much needed date and spent some time strolling through the lovely shops in Leland, MI.   We were truly enjoying our time away from our four children.   As we walked into a beach store, a little boy about five years old was complaining to his dad.  Unfortunately, he hadn’t learned to belly-ache quietly because my “mother” radar quickly tuned in to the ensuing drama.   Call it research, or twisted entertainment, I just couldn’t help myself.

Now this little guy was a master negotiator who could have appeared on Shark Tank.  He was THAT good.  He was trying his best to convince dear old dad that the truck HE wanted to buy was the best deal.  Dad, on the other hand, was obviously concerned about such high price for a toy (this was NOT Walmart) and was doing HIS best to appease little “Johnny” by telling him all he really needed was the much cheaper miniature dinosaur located by the register.  After a few minutes of arguing, Johnny’s frustration escalated and he screamed, “I don’t want the DINOSAUR!”  To my chagrin, Dad caved (thinking he had won a victory by avoiding the truck) and Johnny walked out with the DINOSAUR about five minutes later.  Johnny looked less than thrilled.

What’s the lesson here?  First of all, any parent who understands the laws of natural consequences would know instantly that this little guy should have walked out of that store with only one thing:  NOTHING!  When you’re rude to the supplier you get no new supplies. No matter the crying, fit-throwing, or yelling.  In fact, I will applaud the parent who doesn’t cave to the pressure of all that noise in public!  We all should support parents who refuse to cave to the gimmies. Giving in only perpetuates ungratefulness.

And Dad needs a lesson on the danger of creating a kid who expects something every time they go into a store.  Children come into the world with a wonderful gift of imagination and the need for extreme character development!   As parents, we are the ones given the responsibility to blossom both.   If we give them everything they want when they want it, it will put out the fire of their imagination, and create self-indulgent monsters. Resist pressure from them and society.  My kids survived unscarred from being the ONLY teenagers (as they claimed) in high school without a smart phone.   We bought a community “dumb” phone for communication, if they were away from home. My kids thought it was the equivalent to social suicide to pull it out. They want a smart phone, they can have one…when they are an adult and can pay for the privilege and responsibility.

Remember our goal as parents:  prepare our kids to be adults and navigate life successfully.   Being a successful adult means working hard for what I want, learning the importance of delaying gratification, and finding out I am best wired to do.   We mean well; we want to give them what we never had.  But at what cost?  What comes cheaply, will be tossed aside cheaply.  That which is attained too easily is esteemed too lightly. It will be unappreciated, and they will be ungrateful, and really… just plain unhappy. Too many broke parents sit around on Christmas morning wondering where they went wrong and listening to ungrateful kids complain about what they DIDN’T get for Christmas.

The world is not going to cater to our children.  If they can’t compete with their skill set, they will constantly struggle. If they don’t learn to delay their gratification, they will overspend themselves into debt and be in a financial prison.   If, on the other hand, they intend to leave the world a better place, they will need a vast imagination, the sharpening of their gifts/talents, AND the willingness to work hard.    Our family motto: “The world does not revolve around me, but was meant to be impacted by me.”

We, as parents, can gripe and complain about our “entitlement” culture but we better be paying attention so we don’t add our kids to the mix of those who think everyone owes them something.    Walking out of that store would have taught Johnny an important lesson: no one owes you anything.  Do SOMETHING to make life happen for you. Don’t steal this priceless life lesson from them.  Teach them to work for what they desire.   And hopefully, this will make both Johnny AND his dad a whole lot happier in the long run.