Nobody likes it when life throws you a sucker punch.  Circumstances happen and we understand that. I can handle those normal disappointments.  But what happens when disappointment’s blow comes from a person close to you? Someone who lets you down… again. What surprises me more is that even when you have become accustomed to those punches from certain people in your life, it still hurts.  How is that possible?

I don’t believe in fate.  I believe in a loving, omniscient Creator who is actively and constantly tweaking the events in my life to draw me to His Person.  What surprises me and yes, sometimes even angers me, is that He knows the blow is coming.   As a mother, I’ve raced around my entire parenting life protecting my kids from disappointment.  Why doesn’t He do that for me?

One of my new hobbies is kickboxing. It has helped me deal with the stress in my life in a positive way.  Sometimes the pressure builds and it feels so good to deliver a blow.  I get it.  It doesn’t mean I like it when a blow is delivered to me.  I want to fight back.  I want to retaliate and make sure they know it’s NOT ok to hit me, especially so close to the heart.  And when the blows are directed at my loved ones, I find myself irrational, angry, and looking for a fight.  As a mom of a special needs child, my misunderstood heart can really get defensive.

So I came to my loving, omniscient Creator this morning looking for a fight.  “Die,” He whispered to my angry heart.  I resisted.  He insisted.  “Give it to me and die to this fight.” He replies the same thing every time.  My anger grows.

“What about them?”  my anguished cry.

“What about you?”  His persistent reply.

I have become so familiar with this mountain I battle Him on.  I know the routine: surrender…submission…death to the fight. But I must go to this mountain for hope and healing.

When I’ve spent all my energy striking blows to His Person with defensiveness and anger, He takes me back into His arms and holds me close whispering words of grace, peace, and encouragement to continue revealing the life of Jesus in my person.

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  2 Cor. 4:10

What about me?  This is the only question I can answer each time I receive a blow from that old foe, disappointment. The sooner we realize that the other person is not our responsibility or under our control, the better.  What will I do when disappointment strikes hard?  Will I die to my right to retaliate so that Christ can live freely through me?

What about Him?  Why doesn’t He protect us?  It seems now like such a ridiculous question. He felt each blow to His body long ago at the hands of his foes.  He, too, had to surrender in agony to the will of His Father, not on a mountain, but in a garden.  Following His death, came LIFE.  That’s really why I take off my gloves and stop fighting. After death comes life and I want to live fully.

There is hope after disappointment.  The pain and hurt from that blow can either bring us to a place where His life is revealed in us or it can take us to an ugly place of bitterness and resentment. To save our life, we must lose it.  We always are given the choice. No matter what that other person does or doesn’t do.  What about you? It starts with taking the fight and the pain to Him.  He knows the struggle, the sacrifice, and the power of our submission.  That is why He asks it of us.

I believe that in order to live, I really must die…even to the blows of disappointment that seemed so unfair this morning. Disappointments…yes, they will come.  But greater is He who lives in me than the he who throws the blows of disappointment.  Perhaps that is why my heart continues to run to Him first…blow, after, repeated blow.