“Why am I doing this anyway?” I muttered under my breath while moving about my day.  I was irritated.  Not just a little, but a lot.  I am sure you have had one of those days before.  There are days in ministry where serving people is not really appealing.  I have them less often as I’ve gotten older, but every now and then it hits me and I find myself sarcastically asking this question again.

You may have found yourself asking this same question in YOUR life whether you are in ministry, a parent, a spouse, or some other profession.  On the surface, it is a sarcastic question that we throw out when we are frustrated.  But as I pondered it today, I realized the power of this flippant question.  In my case, other ministry people had disappointed me again.  It scrapes an old wound of mistrust that I have struggled to keep cleansed and submitted to the Lord.  People hurt you in ministry, even other ministry people.  I am at the place where it no longer surprises me, but as you can see, it still irritates me.

So back to the question. As I grumbled, God seemed to fire back with His own set of questions: “Are you doing this for yourself? For them? Or are you really doing all of it for Me?”   My heart fought back a bit.  Of course, I’m doing it for Him…or so I think until my heart gets this ugly.  My struggle to keep from being a people-pleaser runs deep.

Paul struggled like this in what was one of the darkest times in his ministry.  Read his final book, 2 Timothy, and find him sitting in a dark, dank dungeon awaiting execution by the crazy emperor, Nero.  He had been deserted by everyone in that part of Asia.  His fellow worker, Demas, had left him.  Perhaps the danger of association with Paul was more than Demas was willing to risk any longer.  Or maybe he simply got sidetracked with the pressure of living in a material world.  What a tragedy to be forever labeled as a deserter of the gospel! Nevertheless, Paul was left, after over 30 years of ministry, feeling alone and abandoned.  I imagine that this question raced through his mind a time or two.

But in Galatians 6:10, you will see though that Paul had covered this before: “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  Ouch.  If our motives in serving others are to please people, including ourselves, people-pleasing can sneak in and disqualify us. We must be committed to Christ and the truth of the gospel, above all else. These are tough words. One of the greatest struggles in life and ministry will be to please people. It is a burden that stifles our joy. I believe God knows this is a burden we should never carry.

So, remember:

1. You cannot please everyone. BUT your primary goal in life, work, or ministry can be to please God. He is much easier to please than people! Remove the burden of making everyone happy so the rejection doesn’t crush you.  As a parent or spouse, it’s easy to live to make your kids or spouse happy.  Unfortunately, this is a set up.  It will leave you either feeling like a constant failure or bitterly resentful against the people you serve. But when God is FIRST and MOST important in your life, then you are truly free to love others well.  Hebrews 6:10 tells us that when we serve others on God’s behalf, we show love toward God and He is faithful not to forget us. If you mix this up, the disappointment will be devastating.   Put God in first place in your life AND it will make the next step easier.

1. Forgive early and often.  After listing the people who had deserted him, Paul concludes his disappointment with this statement: “May it not be held against them.”2 Tim. 4:16. Can we do the same?  It is hard to forgive when treated unfairly.  However, it helps if we realize there is great power found in forgiveness. Power for YOU to move on.  Forgiveness frees our heart to rise and love again, no longer held captive under the power of the person who has hurt us. Forgiveness is not saying that what was done to us was right, but that we choose to no longer be bound under their control.  Take them off of your hook and put them on God’s hook.  If you try to carry it, it will destroy you with bitterness, resentment, and hatred.  You’ll find His shoulders were made to carry the burden of your hurt much better than yours.

So why am I doing this anyway? Today, as my anger subsides and I lay my irritation at His feet, I find my heart free once again.  I serve Him because I love Him and because I count it a privilege to be His servant.  Living to please God FIRST and MOST sets me free from the burden of pleasing everyone and allows me to love others…even those people who hurt me.