It may surprise you to know that this mother and pastor’s wife struggles with intolerance towards “dumb” people.  I’m not referring to intellect when I use the term “dumb”…but FOOLISH people who choose over and over to do dumb things.

So when I was recently asked to teach our girls how to identify a “fool”, I jumped in with both feet.  I put on my “Mom” super suit and here was my message to those wonderful girls:  WHO YOU HANG WITH MATTERS!

You can do a lot of things right, but if you choose the wrong people to hang with, it changes everything.  We spend a lot of time talking to our kids about physical safety, but we should also teach them how to protect themselves emotionally from the wrong people.  Here is the truth:

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”  1 Cor. 15:33

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.  Prov. 13:20

Few people wake up in the morning and say, “I want to live a life that is dysfunctional, chaotic, and filled with pain and misery.”  But far too many people end up in that place.   After over 20 years in ministry, my husband and I meet so many who’ve hit rock bottom. Often, their misery-turning point is spoken from their own lips:   “…and then, I got mixed up with the wrong crowd.”

Unfortunately, there are people out there who have no problem using our kids for their own pleasure and we need to put them on “alert” about who is allowed into their circle!

King Solomon wrote an entire book of wisdom to protect HIS son from foolish people. He said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Prov. 4:23.   HELP your kids guard their heart!   Why?  Because our heart will wrap its affection around whatever it loves.  And out of that affection, all kinds of decisions will be made… good or bad.  If her affection is for an idiot, she will give the power of her decisions and desires over to that idiot.

If you are going to help your kids “fool-proof” their lives, they will need wisdom.  What follows is wisdom I’ve gleaned from Solomon and my own life experience.  Because this was shared with girls, the fool is indicated as a “he”.  But the wrong crowd can be guys or girls. Foolishness is no respecter of gender OR age. (so it matters who you hang out with too, Mom and Dad)

Here’s my top 10:

1. He is “too close, too soon”.    You need to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.  And it’s the ugly you should worry about. So many women are victimized by someone they THOUGHT they knew. When it comes to relationships, TIME is your greatest asset.  Most fools can and will only hold it together for a short time.  Watch how they handle conflict, money, relationships, and work.  If you are desperate to be loved, you are vulnerable.  Your value should be found first in God, so you aren’t desperate for it elsewhere.   If he is impatient and pushy…ditch him!
2.  He doesn’t listen to authority.  Authority PROTECTS us.  Steer clear of the fool who claims to be above authority.  It isn’t cool, it is DESTRUCTIVE.  A fool is committed to doing whatever he desires without regard for consequences. If he is always in trouble (probation, suspension, grounded, etc.), you will likely follow him into that trouble.
3. He is hot-tempered, violent, inappropriate, or cruel to others.  How does he treat and speak to other people?  It is a way to see how he will eventually treat and speak to you. A fool blurts out whatever comes into their heard without discretion.  If he says hurtful, mean-spirited things to others, consider this:  “He who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” (Prov. 13:3)  If he is always looking for a fight, run.
4. He doesn’t like to work.  Even at a young age, you can spot it.  Is he too lazy to do homework, chores, or help out on that “group” project?  If you are unfaithful in small things you will never be faithful in larger responsibilities. Follow this process with me: failing assignments…failing a grade…failing school…losing a job…no money…poverty.  You get the point.  We were made to work and glorify God by using our gifts to pour out upon the world.  A person who refuses to work will drag you into a pit of poverty.
5. He is always criticizing or ridiculing you in front of others.  Be careful what you tell people about yourself, until you REALLY know them (Go back to number #1!)  If you are the brunt of his jokes, he doesn’t really love you. Love PROTECTS and seeks the highest good for you.  He would not tear you down to build himself up.
6. He needs instant gratification (material stuff, sex, drugs, etc.)  A fool will resort to lying, cheating, or stealing to get what he wants NOW.  If he has no ability to save or work for something, you will find yourself in a perpetual cycle of paying for his stuff.  Women who marry this kind of man will always be broke, working to support his foolishness, and usually, very angry.
7. He is always trying to get you to do things that feel wrong.   Here’s the bad news: even if you don’t participate, you will eventually be associated with his wrong simply because you are together!  A fool despises doing what is right.  He often goes looking for trouble and it isn’t hard to find.
8. He treats his parents poorly.  There is a difference between acknowledging you got a bum rap when it came to the “parenting pool” and despising your parents.  Know the difference.  A fool despises his own mother.  A fool will steal from his own parents.  He doesn’t care about anyone else.   If he is always causing grief for his parents…RUN!
9. He is never wrong AND it is always someone else’s fault.   Fools delight in sharing their opinions.  Arrogance and pride are the trademarks of stupidity.  A fool has no place for understanding wisdom because he already knows EVERYTHING.  Proverbs says even a fool is thought wise if he can hold his tongue…but this rarely happens.  You will not be heard AND you will not be able to teach him.  Cut the ties until he realizes NOBODY knows it all, except God.  And it should be obvious from the list above that he is NOT God.
10. He is deceptive.  Don’t kid yourself with this one.  If he doesn’t speak truth with others, he won’t speak truth to you.  Love rejoices in TRUTH.  Lying says that the relationship is BROKEN.  If I lie to you, I cannot be trusted.  If I cannot be trusted, you are not safe with me.   A fool’s mouth is his undoing.  Run before your heart gets crushed by this relationship.

 There are more signs we could list, but my greatest point is to have this dialogue with your child before it’s too late.  Arm them with great wisdom!  Too many kids spend their lives in misery simply because they “fell in love” with the wrong person or began to run with the wrong crowd.  They wake up one day and have given control over to that person or crowd.

Help your child realize that they must make WISDOM their friend before they make anyone else their friend.  And if they do, it will protect them from the snare of the fool.